Too Far Gone

i don't remember which day it was. Sometime in the last three or four days i came to the realization that i'm not going to post those RE-Wrench drafts i've been sitting on.

i'm too far gone. My heart isn't in it anymore. The evolutionary process of disconnecting from my former life has crossed an invisible line. A mental-emotional threshold where the lingerings of the previous are left behind. And that's just where they're gonna stay. Everything is personal and nothing is professional now. i knew there would be a line somewhere. i just imagined it would be closer to my physical departure date.

When i realized that i had crossed this line, i gave it time. "Maybe i'll feel like doing it tomorrow..." But tomorrow has come several times now. Each arrival only confirms the line was truly crossed. So, after posting this, i'm unsubscribing from that wonderful list. Moving from that community on to a new community.

"Bon Voyage, Wrenches! Thank you for letting me be part of your community. Thank you for sharing so much knowledge and wisdom over the years. Thank you for all your passion about renewable energy. Thank you for the kind words and support of my postings. Carry on. Be smart. Be safe. Keep sharing. Do the right thing. Every time!"

You know, i would have imagined feeling some level of guilt about this. But i don't. Not a bit. It's not like the list is sitting there expecting these posts. Nobody is depending on them to get their jobs done. My postings have always been gifts to the community. At least that was always my motive. Even though there's no guilt, there is a little wistfulness... But i can deal with that.

Since crossing that threshold, my mind is lighter. There's more room in there. One less thing on the To Do List. Or three, in this case. i think the line was crossed when i got my iPod and started loading it up. iTunes is a big byte hog. It's not smart enough to just remember where everything is on your harddrive. It needs to create a copy on your harddrive of everything you want on your device. And i was loading up over 10GB.

Soon enough, there was the little notification on my computer... "Disk space low. Click Here to remove unnecessary files and clean up your shit." Well, i didn't "Click Here". Nope. i went big. You might remember that i was going to do a full backup of my harddrive, then delete everything non-personal. Well... There's no full backup. i have passed the proverbial point of no return. There are still a couple folders of non-personal things left, though. Just the stuff i need for doing taxes.

My computer feels lighter now. Just like my mind. We crossed that threshold together. In a way, we're both too far gone... My computer is too far gone to look up and process all kinds of non-personal information that i've accumulated and developed over the years. And i'm too far gone to post to the Wrench List.

i think there are only two things left for me to do as a solar insider... Wait for a check from C-Mac's company. And cash it.